dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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