Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You peed on a flamingo?!?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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