A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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