yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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