I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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