Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
