I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
