I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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