so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
