I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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