Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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