Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
