i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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