He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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