test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
