handjob tips. give me some.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
