thus making me awesome and them whores
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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