sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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