Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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