what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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