He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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