i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
