Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
