Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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