No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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