he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
