3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
