I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
