no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
