My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
