He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
