you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
