Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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