Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
did i walk over a car last night?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
