Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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