ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
