I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize