K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
