I'm going to jail i love you
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
