DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
