There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
