I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
