I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
