At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
