Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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