Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
