Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's the barista slut.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I love you. Go after that dick
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
