i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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