Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
