Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
