no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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