No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
