whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i barfeds in our rink
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
