I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
