it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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