so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
