it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
