Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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