Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
