just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
