You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
