She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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