Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
