kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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