this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
