we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
