I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize