Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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