i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
