I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
