I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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