i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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