it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
