Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
