i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize