carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
