Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
