11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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