Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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