Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
