Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
