so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The air was thick with penises
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
