fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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