For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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