I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
