we made out on top of his cat.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize