you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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