do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
