im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
