you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
