She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
MIDGETS
????
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
