Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
