I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
