Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
