the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
