he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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