Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
