im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
