Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize