Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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