So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
