I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
