She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize