I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
