Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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