my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
