He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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