You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
