WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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