GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
