she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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