He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
