I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
