he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
