Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
