So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
