i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
